2004-09-30-8:47 p.m.
I love it when our day starts out like today, with Roey jumping on our bed and pointing to me and saying, "Mommy -- Mommy Mouse". Then, pointing to Daddy and naming him "Daddy Mouse" . Simminy is Baby Mouse and he's points at himself and dubs himself Roey Mouse of course. We're not sure why he does this but he likes to pretend that he's some type of animal quite frequently. When he wants a little cuddling he tends to refer to me or himself as a mouse. I don't know what he's envisioning exactly but the whole concept gives me warm fuzzies.

Roey mostly ignores Simone but when he does pay attention to her, he's very sweet. This morning, she was having some "Tummy Time" on the rug in his room. I situated her so she could stare at one of Ro's fire trucks. Roey has some serious sharing issues but when he saw his sister by his truck, he was instantly charmed. He sat by her and patted her on the head and told her to push the truck. She couldn't of course but he kept encouraging her. Finally, he took matters into his own hands and tried to make her hand push the truck but it wouldn't move so well since she needed her hands to prop herself up. So, he positioned the truck so that she could push it with her forehead when he pushed her on the back of her head. So, he pushed her (gently) on the back of her head and the truck rolled forward slightly. Ro then congratulated her on her precocious truck pushing skills. "Baby push fire truck!". It's so sweet but I'm so worried he'll hurt her on accident that I'm always hovering and uttering a constant mantra of "gentle, gentle, gentle." Babies are so helpless and toddlers are so rough and tumble. It's a sweet but potentially precarious combination.

2004-09-25-10:25 p.m.
We had our annual family portrait taken on Thursday. The photographer took 500 pictures. I'm hoping at least one is half way reasonable. I'm not sure though. Siminy Cricket (my usual nickname for simone) was in a good mood at the beginning but slowly deteriorated into screaming, flailing unhappiness. Meanwhile, Roey started out acting like a severely disturbed mental patient and eventually warmed up to acting like a rambunctious, little boy when he found some pine cones and acorns to play with. We always do outdoor shoots, so I'll be amazed if the photographer managed to get a shot that has the four of us in it -- with the minimum of tears, drool and flying pine cones. sigh.



And I thought this years photo would be easier than last years. Ha! Hopefully, Daddy and I won't look as frazzled and harried as we feel either.

2004-09-21-2:28 p.m.
Ever since I wrote the last entry, I've been in a much better mood and being a mommy hasn't been an onerous task. It's even gotten back to being enjoyable. I forget how cathartic complaining and whinging online can be.

Today, I was the parent assistant at Roen's preschool. Me and a dozen three year olds. I didn't know if it was going to be my worst nightmare or if it would be fun. It turned out to be fun. I really enjoyed playing with them and keeping things under control. The kids are really quite sweet and all have such different personalities. I've dubbed one little girl, the Tantrum Queen. She's wonderful although a bit imperious until you piss her off and then she's truly terrifying -- reminisicent of the poem -- "there was a little girl with a little curl". She can be horrid. Really Horrid!

Roey and another little boy have similar strong and relatively introverted personalities. This doesn't spell friendship when you're three. It spells Fights with a capital F. Today, the boy jumped on Roey about a car but I figure Roey will jump on him next class. Roey really loves the place. He cries every time we leave. I'm glad there wasn't much drama today. I'm sure there will be on other days though.

2004-09-17-9:47 a.m.
Yesterday, was Ro's first day of preschool. He did really well when Husband dropped him off. No separation anxiety at all. Yay! I thought there would be issues with that. The teacher said he played beautifully up until she started having some structure to the play -- like story time, calender time (where they discuss the day's weather, months, what day it is, etc.), and singing time. He totally HATED changing from one activity from another and threw tantrums. I never would've thought that a long attention span could be a liability. I've never imposed any sort of structure on Ro's days. He plays with playdough for as long as he wants, not ever in a time allotment of 30 minutes. I'm not sure how to help him with this except timing his activities and then making him change -- which seems irritating but would help him get used to the concept.

As for me, I think I have some type of postpartum depression that's kicked in over the last few weeks. I wander between feeling nothing -- to being sad -- to being a total powder keg. I feel more antisocial than usual and the kids crying is really getting on my nerves. Ro's always been really emotional but since having Simone -- Augh!!!!. It's much worse and it drives me insane. His emotions aren't directly related to her though. He's 100% nice to the baby and 80% weird/unpredictable about everything else. His new style of tantruming doesn't involve screaming. It's really pathetic crying, with him saying "I crying" and "Mommy, mommy, mommy" over and over. Most of the time, it's over stupid stuff like dropping his fork on the floor. And, I say, "Don't cry, just pick it up. He eventually picks it up after much crying. I just don't have any tolerance for it anymore -- let alone a sense of humor. It just infuriates me now. With Simmy screaming quite a bit, my crying tolerance is maxed out by 10 a.m. and I still have to make it through hours and hours of dealing with them before bedtime.

I hope I feel better soon. I need to exercise as I think that would help but I can't figure out how to fit it in. Also, I don't have the energy. I'm so tired that I've nearly fallen asleep at the wheel three times now. I think I hear Simmy crying now. Duty calls. I wish being a mommy weren't so hard.

2004-09-13-3:21 p.m.
I took little miss Sim to the pediatrician today. I like my doctor but I hate his nurses because as far as I can tell, they both hate children -- or maybe it's just my children. Both nurses are quite old and I can't help but wonder why they work in pediatrics -- unless it's just to have the opportunity to stab young children with needles. They're so dour and disapproving and seem so annoyed by both Roey and the baby. I don't know why.

The doctor visit was for naught anyway. I took Simmy for her vaccinations but she couldn't have them because of being ill recently... which I totally agreed with but I wanted to know if he had her blood culture results. On Saturday, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room with Simmy making sure she didn't have bacterial meningitis because she had a high fever and no other symptoms. sigh. It was awful. Lots of screaming children and irritating residents and conflicting information from various medical staff. I got home at 11 pm or so and collapsed.

The last two weeks have been awful actually. Husband had surgery and took awhile to recover. He was sick twice. Both kids were sick. Only I was well..... but grouchy and totally sleep deprived. Oh yeah, and our basement flooded because of hurricane frances rain. I wasn't really enjoying being a mommy or a home owner at all. I'm feeling a little better though and Roey starts preschool tomorrow. I'm hoping it goes well. It's his first time away from me.

2004-09-04-12:16 p.m.
Roey is really into fire engines, so while we were at the library a few days ago, I picked up the book, Fireboat, for Roey without looking at it's contents. I thought it would add a new dimension to the whole firefighting lifestyle. Upon reading, we were surprised to discover the book was about 9/11 and the role of a restored fireboat. It made husband and I quite teary with the little drawings of planes crashing into the buildings. I never really thought about reading a book about 9/11 to a 3 year old. The topic is handled lightly but respectfully -- and it isn't terrifying. Some friends restore an old fireboat and then during 9/11 offer their services to the city because all the hydrants around the towers are destroyed and all the water the firemen use has to be pumped to them with the fireboats. It's quite interesting really -- just a surprise.

I messed this entry up but now it's fixed. I think.

2004-09-02-11:25 p.m.
You should not have to get up in the morning and stagger into the bathroom only to run into a giant spiderweb. UGGGGH! It was built from wall to wall entirely blocking the toilet until I got it all stuck on my face and hair. Fortunately, the spider was on the wall and not on my head although it took me several moments of flailing panic before I noticed him and killed him mercilessly. I'm not very tolerant in the mornings. I feel like spiders are suddenly all over our house and I really hate them. Other bugs don't phase me.... but spiders ....... ugh. Oddly enough, Dottie also had a bad bug day.

2004-08-17-10:25 p.m.
Both kids were down by 9 p.m., so we drank beer, ate cheese dip and watched the Simpsons DVD that Lisa & Mike loaned us. It was pleasant and the beer has made me sleepy.

zzzzzzzzzzz

2004-08-16-11:16 p.m.
I'm switching to a web log style because my entries need to be short and sweet if I'm going to make any at all these days.

Ro boy is all about Buzz Lightyear. He runs around with a plastic drum on his head as a helmet and presses his arm while shouting "laser, laser, laser". It kills me. He loves Buzz. His Thomas fascination is on the wane but not his fascination with trains.

Little Miss Sim is 8 weeks old now... and she is cute and smiley. Two kids is far harder than I thought and I thought it would be hard. It's the guilt that I wasn't prepared for. Every time Ro boy acts out I just want to cry because I know he's not getting the attention he's used too -- and I feel terrible that Little Miss Sim doesn't get the attention she deserves either. It's hard. I was really depressed about it all yesterday but I'm better today. This is the first week that I've had fun with the kids in between episodes of being stressed out. The last 8 weeks, I've more or less been a grim automaton. Things should improve from here I hope.

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